For the past ten years, I worked as an insurance underwriter of the jewelry industry. It was a great job. I thanked God for it everyday. I knew though, that the day would come when my company would make a business decision to stop the jewelers program and most likely end my job. I saved a little more than normal towards that time.
When the day came, the announcement that I would be laid off with five others in my office, I wasn't shocked, disappointed or unprepared. I was certain the timing was orchestrated by God. There were too many things in proper place for other explanations.
I really needed some “down time” but I'm too young and not financially equipped enough to retire. I am very thankful that my husband has grace for the season.
I calculated how long my savings could last with the help of unemployment and thought surely I'd have a clear direction and open door when I was ready. I've done all that I can think of: posting resume's on the right websites, looked for jobs, pondered business start ups and so one.
GOD, PLEASE JUST GIVE ME THE ANSWER I WANT, HOW I WANT IT.
As the months have gone by, I have become more anxious. Most mornings, my first thoughts and prayers are “ God, please talk to me. Tell me what to do with myself. Please give me a
purpose and show me your plan..”
The other day I clutched my Bible in my hand and said “Please Father, tell me plainly, what do you want from me?” His answer was pretty clear. I heard these words in my heart, repeated over and over, with emphasis on a different word each time:
“ I want you to know that I love you and that I am going to take care of you.”
How do you take issue with God when He speaks to you clearly in response to your plea? Yet, I am squirming because I am really crying out for a concrete plan. I am crying out for something more like this: “ Get on the internet and go to this site: http://www.yourjob.com/ where I will highlight the job that I have opened for you.” Yeah. That's the kind of direction I'm talking about.
Now I know God's not playing head games with me. He loves me. And I DO really believe He's going to take care of me. . . . but Hey – are you telling my husband the same thing? ( He probably IS, if I'd just check with him.)
AND SPEAK MY LANGUAGE SO I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU
Today I opened my Bible and was looking at Jeremiah 33:3. “Call to Me and I'll show you great and might things that you don't know.”
So I called – loudly, thinking that maybe He wanted me to yell instead of whine and whisper and mutter like I've been doing. “Show me! Give me a clear plan. You know – like my brother, who's fingers are so connected to the piano that he has no doubt about his purpose or my pastor, who knows that he must be in ministry. Please give me such clarity, such fire.”
I didn't hear a word, have a vision - I just got a subtle nudge to write. I thought, maybe this will help someone else.
And I realized that I have a fire, a passion. It's not exactly income producing – but it's clear. It is to know God intimately and to compel others into their own deep personal love with Him.
Once I read a book title “ Do what you love and the money will follow”...Yeah. Sure.
Big fat lie: “GOD IS NOT HAPPY WITH YOU. THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE NO DIRECTION” -
Many who are His appear to be abandoned. I know of more Christians who've lost jobs this year than ever before.
Some are wondering
“What am I doing wrong?”
"What am I doing that has turned Him away? “
"Why is He silent? “
"He does not care about the things of this life.”
"He only cares about the lofty things that I can't connect to because I need
to have peace and a plan.“
"I am sinning somehow and don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's keeping Him from helping me. ”
I saw these thoughts like a radio broadcast.
Then I pictured Jesus saying “ Satan comes to steal, to kill and to destroy but I have come that you would have life and life abundantly.” Don't agree with the accuser who lies and says God is not pleased, is not listening and will not act.
SIMPLE TRUTH
Is God your delight? If you say “yes”, then you can be sure that He will give you the desires of your heart. Contradictions are from the accuser. Cast those thoughts away from you like you would flick a bug off.
To myself I'm saying “Keep thanking Him. Keep walking closely with Him. Keep guard against the accuser who would call God a bad Father, poor provider, unmerciful, silent punisher. “
He loves me.
He's taking care of me.
HE loves me.
HE is taking care of me.
He LOVES me.
He is TAKING care of me.
Plans – He has them and will take me by the hand to step 1, step 2,.. I trust Him.
3 comments:
Thank you Anita! We are supposed to be the Last people to walk around dismayed at job loss, wasted economy, etc. I really got 'but have You spoken to my husband?' part. That thought seems to throw me off quicker than anything; especially when I feel I have recieved resolve on the matter. This blog post spoke to me since I have lost my job recently.
Update: Now that I'm still unemployed...As I walked with God this morning, asked the same thing I've been asking. Maybe if I use different words..yeah that will do it. Nope - the trick is to listen without expecting the answer to be what I want. He answered alright: again He said it. WRITE. Apparently God is not concerned with my desrie to know where my income will come from.
Well. I got it. Write. And trust God.
It's been 18 months since I've worked . I was pretty excited when I read the job posting for an inland marine underwriter opening which would not require relocation and would bring me back to the level of work I'd done for the past 10 years.
It was the first time I didn't feel like I would be going back to Egypt. Actually, I jumped around like a kid at Christmas when I saw it. I applied, had 3 phone interviews and then - waited.
The waiting-to-hear part of the job interview process is truly a form of torture. I am a woman with a close relationship with my God. I have total trust in Him. Even when He seems silent, I know He's here and I lean on Him so the process should be less agony for me than someone who does not have that.
My husband didn't care if I got this job. I'm not sure if it was work from home or the 40% travel he wasn't excited about.
When you're married, and in the long season of unemployment, there's so little to talk about....well, maybe that's not you.
I was pretty convinced this was MY job due to several "signs" so I prayed constantly, like a farmer who'd planted seed, watching over his land, scaring away the crows.
The mental torment was ceaseless. The thoughts were like arrows. "I needed a better 6 month plan. My competition probably is younger and has more experience in this territory. They probably have a degree, too." I'd swat those things away. If this is indeed my next assignment, it's not really about me. It's ultimately the favor of God that I must rely on.
When you are given something by God, you still have to take it. Case in point: the land of Israel was given, thought they still had to forcefully possess it.
Well, the end of the wait was yesterday. I was already emotionally drained from waiting when the call came telling me that someone else was hired.
I woke up this morning feeling pure gloom, knowing that I need to snap out of it. ...I will.
The sorrow in my soul is not really over not getting the job - it's really over lack of direction. Now what?
I have vision. I know the directive of my life is to feed as many starving children as possible and to write.
What I mourn over is the agony of ignorance. What must I do so this can happen?
I feel the pain of so many who have been banged up in their efforts to get back to work. The company I worked with laid off people a few years ago. I heard of one young man who drank himself to death after two years. I understand that.
What can be done. Nothing really.
For me, though, I don't think I'll wrap my hopes around another corporate job. I may apply - but that's it.
It's time to start a business of my own. I'll work on that after I get out of this awful feeling of wanting to run away and cry.
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